What now?

a dump of emotions

This past weekend was an important mark in my relationship. I like to see it as a breakthrough. An honest yet painful conversation but above anything a conversation filled with unconditional love. One we needed to have and one I know in my heart we will deeply appreciate in our future. These last few days have been sleepless but reflective. Moments of hysterical crying. Moments of immense gratitude for him as my partner. Moments of memory flashbacks. Moments of everything reminding me of him (literally everything). Moments of reaching for my phone to just hear his voice. I can’t explain how hard it is to see my phone without his notifications and the times my Mom or Shosh calls how much I wish it was his face appearing on my screen (Love you Mom + Shosh). What is getting me through? Trust, time and prayer. Trust in myself that I did what is best for us. Trust in him for ways only he needs to know. Trust in God that he has a plan for us. They say time is the greatest healer but these days the days feel like eternity. And to make matters worse I got laid off again this past Monday. Bad timing. I know many are going through this rough time, especially the hospitality industry. So, I know I am not alone but that’s what makes it even scarier. This being my second lay off just hits me differently. What now? Well, I am still figuring out how I will handle all this time given to me. Day by day. In the meantime, my Dad took me to the beach Love you Dad). A getaway from the mental noise to hear the waves in front of me and dig myself in a book. Good timing.

One day this past will be overshadowed by the beautiful present.  I have to believe that.