Speak to the heart

Have you discovered your partner’s love language?

 Back in the mid 90’s Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called, “The 5 Love Languages” on how to show and receive love. It’s important to know what your love language is and your partner’s so you can deeply connect with each other - to know how you express and receive love helps you communicate and understand each other. Your partner may like to show his love for you through gifts, but it may be much more meaningful to you to just have night cuddled up watching your favorite show. Conversely, you may express your love to your partner through acts of service, but his primary love language could be physical touch. If you feel like your relationship is lacking something or there is some disconnect/conflict it may be due to not emotionally communicating correctly with each other. We all feel love differently, so I encourage you and your partner to explore this topic by taking the quiz here. Below I have listed the five love languages covered in Dr. Chapman’s books with examples.

words of affirmation this is my primary love language. I receive love the best when my partner compliments me, encourages me, listens to me, etc. It is important to me that I am reminded how loved I am and that my efforts whether in the relationship or outside of it are recognized it. There is nothing more special to me than a handwritten card… and a little flirty comment never hurts.

quality time this love language is all about uninterrupted time and attention. A simple way to do this is by putting your phone down over dinner so you can have focused conversations on each other’s days or scheduling in a lot of one-on-one time.

gifts if your partner tells you that their love language is gifts – this does not necessarily mean they expect all the elaborate gifts in fact, it is more because of the thoughtfulness behind the gift. It can be a homemade gift, flowers or surprising them with a weekend getaway.

physical touch no, this is not just about sex people. This is about nonverbal physical body language. I am talking handholding, hugging, cuddling, kissing, high fives, caressing, massages and well yes, making love. This is my partner’s favorite - there is nothing more special to him than to receive all of my warm affection.  

acts of service although this is not my primary love language this is certainly one, I value. It means so much to me when my partner assists me with a business decision, fills up my gas tank or brushes my hair. Other ways you can express acts of service is by making your partner a cup of coffee, doing a load of laundry or just asking your partner - “How can I help?” when they are feeling overwhelmed.