body esteem
my personal story + tips
For many many years, I have struggled with my body image. I grew up always hearing comments from my family and extended family about my legs, cheeks or what an appetite I had (Not all my family - Thank you Tia Silvi). They were the first ones to tell me if I lost weight or if I was gaining weight. At first I wouldn't let it get to me but after years of hearing about my body it got to me. In high school and in college is where I would diet some weeks, binge eat (then throw up) or sometimes just starve myself for a few days. I became really restrictive and unhappy. The negative body image thoughts began to consume every single day. I avoided mirrors, I spent many nights crying myself to sleep, I avoided socializing, I hated putting clothes on every morning and eating was stressful. There would be times where I could feel my face or arms growing by the second. I know I sound crazy but that's how much it was affecting my mental health.
My mom first encouraged me to start therapy in high school but the whole idea of telling a stranger all my insecurities intimidated me. As things were getting worse I got the courage to begin therapy my sophomore year of college. Having an ongoing and open dialogue on anything and everything provided me such great comfort. I was able to be in a private space where I was not judged but helped. I would leave our sessions feeling liberated, energized and worthy. For almost two years we worked through many personal issues and together I got to a place where I was feeling confident and happy. I started to enjoy the present and my life. It was great timing because as I started to feel much better she received an amazing opportunity where she'd relocate. Our sessions came to a bittersweet close but my gratitude will remain forever.
Post college, I was still feeling confident. I had an amazing summer filled with travel and adventure. I started working, created beautiful friendships and exercised almost every day. I felt unstoppable and then the negative thoughts came crashing in. The first time, it happened in a long time, I honestly felt defeated and confused. I tried to make sense of why I was being hit with this intense feeling of low self esteem when everything around me seemed great. The thing is sometimes you don't always know what is a "trigger". So what did I do when body image struggles and general anxiety came back? I practiced some exercises my therapist taught me. It didn't always work and there were moments where I just wanted to be with my therapist but the point is you try and you try and you try until you can silence the noise.
To this day, the truth is I am still very hypersensitive when it comes to anything related to body image. Whenever I am around a conversation about weight, diet, or even when someone is complimenting my body it almost always makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Just the other day I was dreading having to go to my doctor's appointment because I fear the scale. When I stepped on the scale I looked away and the nurse asked me, "Would you like to know your weight?" I responded, "No, thank you and thank you for asking me and not just saying it aloud". Wow what a moment of relief and I sat there just thinking how considerate. As you can tell that small moment meant so much to me.
I hope this post resonates with someone whether or not they personally struggle with body image and or anxiety. And for those that do, you are not alone.
Below I have included some tips, tricks and reminders -
Consider your social media use - For me personally, I avoided creating Instagram because I was scared I would just compare myself to all these models and celebrities and I didn't need more of that - So when I created my IG, I made it a point to not follow celebs/ models but instead people that inspire me in a positive way. I control the feed.
Not all thoughts are facts
Find recipes where you feel nourished and re-energized post meal rather than bloated and tired
Think "What is" not "What if"
Find a work out you look forward to - Trust me you will have much better luck committing to an exercise you actually enjoy
Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident
Invest in your inner beauty
Sit still with the thought and envision it floating away down a river
Practice finger tracing breathing for mindfulness
You are worthy. You are strong. You are beautiful.
